LIE-DOWN COMEDY

Stand-up comedy has a massive following, and justifiably so. It is fun, it is accessible, it is immediate. Everyone loves to laugh, and needs to! It takes a special kind of person to stand up in front of an audience, for the first time, and attempt to make people laugh. I say attempt because I’m sure most wannabe comedians are terrified before and during their first attempts. And are probably not that successful until they have overcome their terror and have polished their act.

You have to be really intelligent and sharp to be good at this. But most importantly you need to be a fractured spirit – this enables you to make stunning and highly amusing word associations, and, in this way, see things others don’t see until you point them out.

Over the years many people have told me (and others) that I ought to go in for stand-up comedy; that I was a natural at this, blah blah blah – but I have never been interested.

You see, I do not want to be famous and rich. It would be disastrous for me – I am already arrogant and conceited, without having accomplished anything. Fame and tons of money would make me so unbearably obnoxious that I would probably end up in the gutter, alone, penniless, drunk,and spewing out highly creative, choice epithets for all the people who had ruined my life by encouraging me to stand and deliver my best shot at humour.

So, I do not wish to be a stand-up comedian, such as George Carlin, Richard Prior, Seinfeld, or Eddie Murphy.

There is something infinitely more satisfying to me: Lie-Down Comedy.

What is this, you ask? I will tell you what it is not, and then I will tell you what it is.

It is not a career option

It will not make me rich and famous

I will never make a dime from it

But…

It means I focus my sparkling wit on a woman who is considered to be unattainable, who is very attractive and who would not give me(or you too, buddy, you smirking bastard) a second glance at the mall. And I would make her laugh so much, laugh so much, laugh so much, that she would just want to lie down – with me.

That, dear friend, is Lie-Down Comedy. It is my creation.

I assert my full intellectual rights to this concept. Please note this warning to everyone, and especially you who would be stand-up comedians:

If you should dare to use the expression Lie-Down Comedy (or its concept) for any purpose, or in any medium whatsoever, without my express written permission (which I shall never give you), I assure you that I shall sue you and have the shirt off your back. You will become so terrified whenever you think of me – which will be all the time – that you will have to wear an adult diaper and walk around like Gandhi for the rest of your pathetic little life.

Gerald or Gerrry with the 3 R’s as he is known on bruinou.com is an exceptionally talented writer who had his own column on the previous incarnation of this site called Gerrrily Speaking which you are still able to view. You can also contact him via his facebook profile – Editor