SHE and she part 2

I wear a mask, and that mask, it’s not to who I am, but to create what I am. And what that is , I’ve always thought is a nightmare for the kind of people that scare or hurt other people. But as I watched her mascara run off in the rain, exposing the nightmare of who she was, I had to glance in a puddle, just to make sure what I am was still there. Well, love’s a funny thing, is’nt it? Makes you do things you regret, or that you are embarrassed to admit. She introduced me to her. It was love at first sight, or so I thought. See, she has the most amazing eyes. Black, but not dark. When I looked in them, all I saw was desire. They said take me, and I will take care of you. And they kept their word, at least for a while. We had quite the time, the three of us me, her and her. She did not want to notice. But she had, and someone else noticed. I did not love her, I mean she was almost impossible to love, but she was easy to control, and she loved that, to be controlled. But she was dangerous, very dangerous. But that would not stop me. She had to leave, or she would never find out who she was. She did not have to ask me what she already knew, but she was having trouble believing it. Hearing me say her name did not make it any easier, neither did the high regard she held her in. But she was driven by her honor. I hope she understands, because I understand what I have made her, what I have done to her, the hurt I caused her. The last thing she needed to hear was me needing her to understand. The first that night in a long line of last things she needed to hear. She had nowhere else to turn, except back on the one’s that had double crossed her. But there are no second chances, life is strange that way and stingy, since it only has so many chances to go around and 6 billion people fighting for just one, give or take who survives the night. 6 billion people, bumping into each other, opening doors for each other and stabbing each other in the back. They get up when they have to, go out if they need to, come home and lock their doors, so they can remain one of the 6 billion. 6 billion people, laughing and crying on each other’s shoulders. In the midst of so many people, it is hard to be alone, but she was. Alone, surrounded by 6 billion people. I knew how she felt. Wherever she thinks she is, I have already been. She cannot get close to me, everything is close to me. It was like being stuck in quicksand infested with piranhas. A lose/lose situation, where I hoped the inevitable would come sooner than later. I could have been gentle. I could have gone easy. I could have tried to reason. I could have, maybe I should have. I realised I was caught in a trap I had mistakenly thought I had set myself. And in her amazing, black eyes, I saw that I could not do what I was trying to. Control the situation. Force things into being the way I wanted them to be. So I ran, into someone who knew what control was all about, and got more than double my own medicine back. So, I have learnt to be very careful about what I wish for, what I desire, cos the problem is, I might just get it. Because once you have what you desired, you don’t desire it anymore, you have it, its yours, so what’s to desire?