Confusion Sets In

so i guess you must be mad at me

mad because i interfered

mad because how could i

please dont be mad – i have to know (if love is now can it also be then)

can the past and present coexist.

Is this (us) your future or are you still grappling to let go of the past,

am I grappling to let go of your past?

time is meant to heal, but i am not part of you healing cause see

i did not hurt you and you have nothing to amend with me

your time with me is new time

I am new,

this is a different time and space

this time its different

i so hope you can see that
it hurts to think you doubt you decision s

it hurts to think you still love another person

it hurts to think and yet i am thinking still

mad at me because how could i ask you – if love is an is – can love be a was?

Do you have the power to let go of love even an old or tired love?

please ask how could i not (i needed to know – i needed for you to know)

if you want we could go to your flat tonight (but we cant…) to be alone talk this through

this is the only thing i want to know do you want me to let go?

do you want me to undo the things of our future before it goes too far before anyone really finds out before another one gets born oh and right after the other one was torn

do you think i am being punished for Saturday dont you think it cruel to be punished this fucked up way

cant imagine loosing you my darling thu

it came to me last night its an ache where a gaping hole is and a breath constrict and tight its like being together in the ether or like floating in outer space its where the back of my head takes over and a shallowness sits on my breasts when breathing with you is erotic and your body covering my bed when i feel the small of my back reaching to fetch you taking you as my own – flesh of my flesh

that it all starts to makes sense when being in your presence means no real pretense

when even in silence you are near and through thick walls we walk in unison i turn you turn i look you look i reach you reach i breathe you breathe i die you live –

i hope its raining outside storming cause i dont want to hide the fact that i am being torn

silence even across a distance is tangible with you i know i asked you not respond in writing – cause i am afraid of the written word

breathe…stop trace…take your time…this is not the end…he said process…not dead end…he held my entire body in the curl of his palm…i felt protected…now i am exposed…he sees me for the insecure frail…girly girl i am…grown up with grown up things but still very childish in how i view most things…

i think it must be one or the other, me or another…

we use to talk about everything….are some things now (like politics) taboo…what about the politics between me and you? i hate that this day came…i wish i never got out of bed…i would be sitting on my balcony waiting for the clouds to break so that the rush of wind that accompanies rain might caress my cheek again…but the day is here and its nearly done but the question still remains – are you in my son?