The reason I am called the Playa Bricklaya!

Hola Mpinchyam.

Once upon a time, I was the ordinary man. I go to thees shop to buy a sheekin weeth cheeps. Eish. That was my fest meestake. Anyways, I meet thees gel, too mush preety. Her name was Sarafina. So we talk and she tells for me I must come weeth her to her house to watch the TV. Now Umfaan he got no radio, never even mind the TV, so I go weeth this gel to his house.

Anyways, when we get there, eish, she is loveeng Umfaan to mush. The cologne Umfaan he wears must have killed her riseestance like it kills all the bugs, dead! We start to eat the sheekin and cheeps and aftaweds, its time for the loveeng. The kisees they get more and more hotta…then deesasta he strike….

You see, if you have eva eaten the entire sheekin weeth cheeps and then you go start the keesing, you cannot take the toilet break. That it is leading to the IBS. The white peepool they call it irritable bowel seendrome, but I call it Immeediate Brown Shorts.

Eish. When that sheekin he was wanting to leave my body,  he breeng the tears to my eyes. My stomach he start the rumbool like a lion and Sarafina think it is Umfaan makeeng the sound of the tiger. So I knyp him my bums, but that not help , especially weeth Mtondo standing for attensheen. Jeest then I have the greatest idea eva. ! I say for Sarafina, “Hey, I go to put on the Sasko sam packet for Mtondo”.

Now if you eva lived in the townsheep, you weel know the toilet he is outside and all that it is, is a small shack weeth a hole in the ground. I walk toward that theeng weeth steef bums peenched together and weeth every step, that sheekin is like an egg, waiting to hatch. Joh Joh Joh Mfwetu, it was very mush bad. I get to that hole and make like that movie “Crouching Tiger, Unleashing a dragon.”

It was like a mudslide in mexico!.Joh joh joh. First it was jest water and started becoming harder and harder. Eish, then it felt like I was making breeks. When umfaan he turn to look, that hole it is gone. Completely covered! Anyways, I took the cover page of the Star and wipe off so I could go back to the house and finish my beesiness.

The rest of the afternoon it was beautiful, except for the smell eminateeng from that toilet. Sarafina went to the toilet aftaweds, but neva made it that far. The ambulance man he say she suffer from Gas poisoning, which is why there was no life within 500m of that toilet. I never see Sarafina again…..

When I look back I realize that that incident was not bad luck, but was the Foundasheen of my playahood, Cementing Umfaan in de record books as the oriegienal Playa Bricklaya……

Umfaan
De oriegienal Playa bricklaya