WHAT NEXT?

I’ve always considered myself strong, have to be, got to be, there was no other way with mom u have to be tough, “don’t allow any man to use you” almost like they were the enemy. Then the boy crazy phase started, dont let go I have to be strong aghhh who am I fooling, Mr swagger handsome and smooooth yes he was a favourite amongst the girls. He broke my heart, and I wouldn’t cry, well maybe in bed at night when I was alone. I was so embarrased man! how could I let this happen tisk tisk, oh well puppy love, lesson learned, dont date handsome charmers ok. Oh now I’ve met the one, and another one so many lessons learned (what was it again?) Now this is really it, he is different kinda weird, or maybe quirky, he is just different and I love it, I love him sincerely. And so now Im standing here wondering what happened u know I had baggage, he also had baggage we all have baggage sometimes we like to call it “experience” no matter. I just don’t know what to think anymore. Everytime I’ve been here I would always say I’m done with this love thing no more, I can’t take anymore (drama queen) soon enough I’ll be back here, feels like home (drama queen). What’s that saying I don’t how it goes but it says u’ll repeat lifes lessons until you learn what you supposed learn from it or is it it’s not your time yet the right guy will come along, aghh this is so bad for my ego I’m really starting to think there is something really wrong with me am I that delusional. I mean I just want it to last long enough to squeeze in a couple of children, marriage even if it ends in divorce, don’t get me wrong I’m going in it to win it ,try your hardest to make it work but many marriages fail. I just want the wedding I want the babies, oh and the biological clock tick tock what? huh? please please can it happen soon, this was not the plan or should go to plan B, what is plan b?????????

PS. I love u i looove you, now it’s my turn, NO It just felt like P.S there for a moment