Dismay in May(chapter2)

2

Mistress and I were once in love. She was everything I thought I wanted. She was smart, witty, and vivacious. She wasn’t very gifted in the good looks department though, but that didn’t bother me. I had found my soul mate, and couldn’t be happier.

Our relationship was much like the blooming process of a rose. Started out as a little green bud, then unwrapped itself and showed off its beautiful splendor. Problem is, we didn’t take care of that rose, and it died. We’ve been together for 15 months now, and the flame that once burnt like the sun, now looked like a little star twinkling far away. We were on reserve tank, and in desperate need of gas.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. I had to put my foot down and draw the line. And I had to do it now.

2 months ago

“Excuse me?” she said with utter arrogance. “Who the hell do you think you are, talking to me like that?”

Excuse me, but am I the only one that notices the hypocrisy here?

“Listen” I said, “Our relationship is out of control, and if we don’t do something about it now, it’s gonna come crashing down.”

I went on to say- “If you’re not happy with the rules, and want free range; then this relationship is not for you.”

It’s not like I wanted to control her life or anything- why would I? But I was the Captain on deck; yet every time I made a decision, it was overruled. I was beginning to get frustrated, and quite frankly couldn’t give a flying rat’s ass what she thought about my rules. I’m putting my foot down!

She didn’t quite like my tone, said good-bye, and that was the end of that.

Mistress was never one for rules. She was used to being in control and having things her way. Not this time. I had a point to prove.

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Over the next few weeks things actually got better between the two of us. We’d still hang out; go shopping together, and as usual- over dose on laughter. There was hope yet. I mustered up the courage and asked her if she wanted to get back together. She just gave a wry smile and said- “I haven’t been thinking about it, I guess I should think about it.”

I left it at that.

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May 16

03:38am

I was awake; then it suddenly hit me. It’s over. I shook my head in dismay. How could this be happening? I felt so empty. Something was missing. Like the i’s in Mississippi.

I didn’t feel normal. It was like smoking weed for the first time. You’re not entirely sure if you were high or not; and I wasn’t entirely sure if I was fine or not. I didn’t know what to do.

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06:10am

My sister would flip if she found out. But I had to tell her. I couldn’t let her hear it from anybody else. She was utterly shocked, and couldn’t believe what I had just told her. She was relieved that it wasn’t mine, but also disappointed at the situation. I could tell by our twin telepathy that she knew how I felt. Mother nearly lost Nickles at birth. But my twin sister wouldn’t give up, and here she is today. Then on our second birthday, she decided to cut off my air supply by wrapping my head in a shopping bag. Mother named her Renee, but I nicknamed her Nickles after our childhood cat. I was glad I told her.

Then I told Lee- a friend from work. He sympathized and encouraged me a bit. He still is my special friend whom I will always love.

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12:55pm

I avoided going home that day, so I took a long drive to nowhere in particular. I needed the space to clear my mind. That’s it, the voice inside my head said. “It’s not a rumor” her words resonated in my ears. I didn’t know what to do.

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14:35pm

-“Shit dude. Are you sure it’s not yours though?”

-“It can’t be mine man. It’s not biologically possible.”

-“Well shit dude, I’m so sorry man.”

-“Yeah man, shit happens.”

That was Mozart. As you could see, he didn’t know what to say. He had been my friend since before Mistress and I met. He knew how I felt about her, and how much she meant to me. But shit happened, and that subject is pretty much done.

He was there when it all started, and there when it all fell apart. In fact- he was the one who introduced me to Mary-Jane.

It was a Friday night; college had closed, and Mary-Jane was smoking hot. And I mean smoking. We did karaoke, and laughed the night away. Oh sweet Mary-Jane.

Let’s just say we became good college friends…

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16:02pm

I was at Zakir, Bandahri, Singh and Dilip; welders from India. They didn’t know Mistress, so they wouldn’t ask any questions. This is where I would reside. I needed to clear my mind, and this was the perfect place.

But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake the thoughts. They were hitting me from every angle. It was like being in a room full of bubbles, and being hit in the face by them. They just kept coming and coming. The bubbles were the voices I kept hearing. They didn’t hurt physically, but they were saying some hurtful stuff. I felt so empty. How on earth did this happen?

It was getting dark, and I decided to go home.

19:00pm

Nobody’s here; good. I walked down the passage, into my room, and shut the door. I can’t be home this weekend. They would bombard me with questions, and I wasn’t ready for that. Each question was like a three-punch-combo from Mohammed Ali- fast and deadly and even left me feeling dizzy for a while. This brought a whole new meaning to the term ‘hard hitting questions’.

I couldn’t be by myself, but I didn’t want to be around people either. I was getting frustrated. Then suddenly, like a flash of lightning my mood changed from just being frustrated, to fucking livid. I erupted like a mad volcano, burning with fury!

Then a cool wave of compassion swept over me, and I was fine again. For the first time since I heard the news, I shed a tear.

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19:23pm

I hadn’t eaten all day, but I wasn’t hungry. I went to the kitchen and forced down a half-eaten samoosa. I felt like such a pig.

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20:21pm

I was feeling tired and went to sleep. But that sleep turned out to be a power-nap, because I awoke two hours later feeling fresher than a bun out of the oven. Speaking of buns in ovens…everything reminded me of her. It was bizarre. We had broken up two months ago, and now she’s pregnant with somebody else? That was bizarre. That’s when I annihilated everything that reminded me of her. Toys, photos, letters, cd’s…anything at all that reminded me of her I utterly destroyed.

I laid on the floor in the dark shaking my head wishing I had never met her.

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23:58pm