Woosh…

So this is how it happened, after months and months of flirting, one disastrous date turned great, some wine and whining it finally happened. It was great. Slap bang in the middle of the day, can you believe it, sneaking away from work, a little lunch time fornication in my ex boss’s house! Yes I know what you’re thinking and yeah you are right but it had to happen – it was another one of those sticky JHB afternoons, where you wish for the relief of a wet winter wind.

It was fab, it was great and dare I say finally worth the wait. But wait there is more. A little birdie mentioned to me that a night or two before our daring deed he had apparently entertained a girl up in the same spot and to top it all – she is a screamer! Note I say is and not was. I was devastated but I pretended not to care.

So what, right, we made no promises I said to the vindictive little birdie with her big ass and bigger mouth. She snarled at me, so I straightened my back and launched into a scathing attack on her for blabbing out, hoping to make it clear to her that I am not interested in such news plus that I will never and have no intentions on this boy of dubious principles. I tried to walk away back straight but felt weighed down by the news of his betrayal. So I slumped back to my office, my desk faced his. All the signs were there man; he could not keep his hands off me? He called me regularly; this was coming on for a while? What is it with me? What do I want? I am getting too old for this shit right?

What did you think he is only with you? Do you think he was waiting only for you? I told you – you will crush, don’t trust, don’t! – overbearing often right inner dialogue.

Now I lay in my double bed- a single girl still, it’s another hot afternoon and my mind wanders – thoughts of him and the screamer, how often did it happen? I cant bring myself to ask him (I said to him once that we are either walking away from something or towards it- people our age – he said its complicated and left it there) Torture me now why don’t you. Plus he is a Libra boy, hulle is die regte players of the Z. Bet Hugh Hef is a L. Has 3 women fighting for his approval and attention. He died and went to heaven in the 70’s!

Does he like it when she screams? He said once that he doesn’t have good conversations with her, vindictive little birdie said she was a looker, a screaming creaming looker that has little to say. Is that what he wants, I talk so much. At what point do I throw in the towel here. I wait for the phone to ring, hear his voice in my head mull over conversation and yes, check his phone when he is not looking. I don’t mind admitting it. I know its bad but hey, I cant loose my heart again to a smooth talking brown skin who will gobble up my affection and straw out his – This girl is not throwing her pearls to the swines no more, not even for a little lunch time rendezvous, there is too much at stake.

Straightening my back, strengthening my resolve, putting my records on, cooking meals for one! Content, happy. Switching off my phone, hold the image of the boy of my dreams in my mind, breath in, breath out. 5…4…3…2…1…whoosh, he is gone!