Umfaan
Greeteeng’s
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Every wik, umfaan weel bring for you a kolum, aimed at the sole purpos of haveeng de fun. Thees is not meaning to offend the anybody and is jest a gleempse into the light side of the duck mind that ees Umfaan. U have been horned.
Also these kolum does not reflect de views of Bruinou.com and the material contained weethin this column is used for the entertainments purposes only.
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As these is the fest one of this kolums, today you weel be intro-juiced to Umfaan, de oriegienal playa bricklaya.
Scheduling Status :
Illegal drug
Composition:
Eesh beet of Umfaan contains
Maltedhopsandbarley Sheekinwhatsweemsconcetrate………………2.5Kg
Thednalyinginthemtondo…………………………………………..3.5kg
Bloodboneandmuscle……………………………………………….55kg
Stewpiedity®………………………………………………………too mush
Mtondo®…………………………………………………………..2.5m
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Pharmacological classification:
A. 11.02 Squatta Gatvatta
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Pharmacological Action:
Umfaan contains two of the most powaful ingredients, Stewpiedity® and Mtondo®.
Umfaan has been design to make the peepool laugh and also to clear excessive gatherings of peepool just my lifting his underarm to the weend. Also, umfaan has been known to clear the subbon-est of frustrasheens with the super aksheen of Mtondo®
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Indications:
For de relief of all types of frustrasheen and stress.
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Contra-Indications:
Sensateevity to any of the ingredients. Stewpiedity has been known to be contajees and affect even the most sealed of brain. Safety of Umfaan during the pregnancy and laktasheen has not been established. Keep away from cheeldren
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Dosage and directions for use:
For clearing large crowds: Leeft one arm to the wind exposeeng the unda-arm. Please note gas mask should be used in all eenstansees
For stress relief and lufta: Red thees
For relief of the frustrasheen: Consult usangoma to confem if mtondo can cause any breakages
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Side effects and Special precautions:
Use of gas mask in presence of Umfaan is vital. Convulsheens should be reportad to a docta immediately. Should sweat come in contact weeth taste buds, dreenk lots of meelk from cow (in a glass, not direct from cow as thees weel poiseen the animal)
Excessive use of mtondo can result in inabeeleety to walk in the female only as mtondo is not suitable for a man to use. Eva!
Excessive exposure to umfaan will result in stomuk museel becoming sore and even develop six pack.
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Known symptoms of over dosage and particulars of its treatment:
Ovadose of gas in umfaan weel cause convulsheens, hallusanasheens, coma and even death. Ovadose of mtondo weel leed to sheefting of organs, no more walking and a big swollen abdomen wheesh weel last for nine months followed by incrusheateeng pains and cheeldren. Cases have been repotad where peepool have died while also laughing and forgetting to make the breathing
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Identification:
Chansees are u weel probably smell Umfaan before u see him. Strong oda making the tears in your eyes, followed by a handsome stranger weeth a black cap and wearing the undapants of 1994 (unwashed). The words “Hola Mpinchyam” soon follow.
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Presentation:
Affirmative aksheen version of Happy Sindane. Afreekan male acting like a Bruinou because his motha left him weeth the madam when he was small
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Storage instructions:
Keep umfaan away from senseeteeve peepool and all things alive which use the air.
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Date of Publication of this Insert:
20/03/2006
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Any suggestions can be mail to Umfaan. Hope u enjoyed it. See you on the forums and wash out for the next one.
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Hola Mpinchyam!
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