Mr Thu

I am a walking contradiction. I like hugging trees when no one looks, smelling flowers until my nose swells, I get lost in each fragrance as quickly as it loses itself to the wind. Sneaking late night dips into neighbors’ swimming pools or drinking milk straight from the bottle, looking through a dirty laundry hamper – I don’t know what I expect to find. Something more maybe. Something other. Sometimes falling in love. More often neither.

winters ice gobbled

the bubbling brook of spring

love drank and drowned

I don’t have any original thoughts of my own; I have no guts and no back bone. I eat with my mouth open and snore when I sleep. I drool and blush and get confused when complimented. I raise my voice when I get agitated and cannot hide my anger or disappointment. Nor do I wish to. A little flower so insignificant and frail can move me to tears just as soon as the lifeless corpse of a loved one. I have loved many, I have lost all.

The slacking jaw dropped

a wet fish sprang forth

From between her thighs

I hate the taste of olives but eat it because it’s trendy, or it was trendy. If it came down to it I would not fight, pick a side or even defend my opinion. If you don’t like my principals – I have others. But in my ocean and within its tides there lies a constancy that cannot be denied. All I ask. The only thing I ask:

I ask of you to drown. You see to become one – one of us has to go. We cant both leave, but I will push you if you are weak.

Do it slowly, painfully and pretend to be calm. Hide the anxiety under folds of bravado – you do it so well. Do it for me. Come for me baby.

You have no need of air in here. What have you used the space for?

You must not, must not fear.

I told you I love you but now I don’t know anymore. It happened so fast. One minute I wanted to pursue this more than anything else in the world. You were the world to me. You saved me, rescued me from the brink of a dickless abyss, where no intimacy or kindness resides. You gave me a language, you fed me the words. We dined, we drank. Your tongue inspired me to new heights; your shoulders hoisted me high. But then…One minute went by.

Maybe it gradually started to appear. Maybe it was always here. Perfection for that minute – minute before the minute it ended, my pursuit of perfection reduced to pathetic inconsequence. My constant inconsistency. Yours.

The we – we became,

became wasted.

Silly, trite, contrived – I wont lie. I became my mom and you became my dad.

Then one minute followed another and months was spent clinging onto a memory of past perfection and playing house. Don’t shit where you eat damn! I must have lost the memo.

A memory of how love was and was meant to be. I wrote you in my diary, I breathed life into a notion. I mantra’d you into existence and I dragged you out of yourself and into my plane. I made you see me.

With one look he froze

The tree has lost its leaf

Love ends and begins

You are now on my playing field. We are equals here. You have been drawn out. I have managed to whittle you down to your last straw, the one about to break the weary camel’s back. Now I don’t want you anymore. You have no use to me like this.

Once again love lost

Beckons the winters song

Blankets death and fear

One indiscretion after another and slowly, painfully love was chipped at now all that’s left is a mere shadow of the feeling I once had. I love absolutes. Yes can’t be no and no cant be maybe. Truth cannot be blinded by love. You cannot blind me. I see you, Mr Thu.