Broken Hearted Part3

Words fail me, we are having a conversation about us not fighting about the little things anymore, I love you and you love me is what has been established…

The words I see as I read your sms’s are what I wanted to hear, yet we still need to find some kind of resolution. How do we avoid the bickering in future? How do we find common ground? We need to give each other the space needed to grow, yet still be in each other lives to support and love. We need to be patient, love is patient, we need to understand, because love, is understanding. We need to bear each other’s crosses because love can heal all wounds and love; yes love is beautiful and strong. These words I write are from a place I know is pure because love grows there and is nurtured there. I want you to understand I do not push you away, I feel as if you are pushing me away. I guess that is why we need to work on an understanding, a way for us to still be who we are but not gibe the other with our words. I know that when something is pulchritudinous, it is wonderful and what we share is just that. But we need to talk about our emotions, the good and iniquitous. We need to communicate in order to grow not only as individuals but also as a whole, one unit that is both singular and plural. It is a proposition that perhaps could work if we avoid stepping on each other as we go along. I can’t help but sigh as I inscribe this to paper. It is so hard to love when you are miles away yet, it feels empty, barren. So I guess it is either this or nothing at all. Yet, the only thing standing between you and me is miscellaneous scuffles about tedious subjects. It as if we fight about these things because of longing, wanting, needs.

It seems all so simple now, when a few days ago all I felt was pain. It feels lighter now that I have let most of it out. Perhaps I should have let it all out when I had the chance, the day I wanted you to leave and never come back, the day I broke your heart and you broke mine. Maybe, if I had said all these things, we would not be at this cross roads, wondering if it is possible to start all over again. Thinking about our love and feeling this sense of pain, pain because a love that is so great was almost lost to time and space. I didn’t ever want to lose you, I just wanted you to see what we have and how it is. I never wanted you to cry, only wanted you to hold me close and make my pain go away.

Yet even as we discuss this love, you still do not hear the words that come out of my mouth. You misinterpret and see only what you want to see. Yet another discussion squandered because you have once again disregarded the sentences I form and the logic behind them, yet again you have decided to see only what your mind’s eye wants to see. Yet again….

Now I sit, wondering and pondering yet again. All this and yet still no common ground. Did you conceive the words you heard and saw? Did you actually read them… word… for… word? I am baffled, stunned into silence by your utter nescience. Your foolish ” let us take a break” sediment. Take a break you say? All this to establish a break, a breather? Famous last words. I guess this might truly be it then. We know just how these intervals end, don’t we?

I am broken hearted, yet again emotional. Will it ever end?….