Rising Up

This weekend my man found them on my computer. To be honest I didn’t want him to find those photos, but in my heart I knew they would eventually come out. He was shocked. I watched him go through the emotions in one weekend- shock, anger, hatred, such a deep sadness.

Even though he knew about the rape, the beating, and the attempt on my life that landed me in hospital, I don’t think he was prepared for the reality of it. He wasn’t prepared at all. The fact that he had to ask me who the person was in the picture, says it all.

It got me thinking about the much-talked about Rihanna’s pics. Of how she could go back to him? I think I may understand a bit of it. The control he has over you, even after the event, is damn scary. He called me every day easily 20 times a day telling me how sorry he was, that he never meant to. Something in me wanted to believe him, something in me wanted to believe that this man who I once was involved with could not be so evil. It’s a continuous battle against yourself as well, I mean how could I be such a bad judge of character? He is exactly the kind of man I would have always avoided. And you start making excuses, you start thinking maybe you were to blame.

Eish so many factors. But I never not once wanted to even see him again. And by the grace of God I haven’t. I can only pray for the men and women out there in similar situations.

I have also been blessed enough to be placed in a position where now I can help people. I get called at least once a month, by a policeman friend of mine (who was the investigating officer in my case and in my books the most caring policeman there is). Two weeks ago, he called me from the scene of a 17 year old girl who’s 43 year old boyfriend had locked her up in his house, and had repeatedly raped and beaten her up during the course of one weekend. Or about a month ago, where a seven year old was raped, and he was bringing her and her parents from the rural areas into town, for medical treatment, and I spoke to her parents. Or in December last year, when by God’s grace and only God’s grace, a woman approached me IN A SHOPPING CENTRE and asked me to help her- her husband was with her and he was waiting for her outside the toilets. And her thanks later that week, when he was in jail. She’s started divorce proceedings. Now we have coffee often, just to chat, catch up.

Long blog, but my heart is just full this morning of gratefulness that through the event that was supposed to strike me down, I have been able to rise up… and not only me, but I’ve been able to help others too.