Ryan Swano
A disturbing video showing a Grade 10 learner from Milnerton High School being attacked by several boys has triggered widespread public outrage and reignited demands for tougher measures against bullying in South African schools.
The question needs to be asked: Are Adults The Problem?
We first have a look at the specific incident and then deal with if, and how adults are culpable. Whichever way you see it, there needs to be Justice for Katlego.
School Failed to Act
The assault reportedly occurred on October 16, shortly after the end of the school day, and the footage began spreading rapidly across social media platforms a few days later. In the video, the 16-year-old learner, reportedly named Katlego, is seen being verbally and physically abused while bystanders watch without intervening.
The matter came to light after United Democratic Movement (UDM) member Nqabayomzi Kwankwa shared the video on Facebook, accompanied by a statement from the victim’s mother. In her statement, the mother accuses Milnerton High School of neglecting its responsibility to protect her son, claiming that the school failed to act despite multiple reports of ongoing bullying.
“My son, a Grade 10 student at Milnerton High School, has been subjected to bullying, physical assault, harassment, and emotional abuse by a group of boys, including some members of the school’s Rugby First Team,” the mother said.
“These 18-year-olds, who should embody strength, discipline, and leadership, have instead chosen to intimidate and harm others. I’m speaking out for my son, and for every student who has been silenced, dismissed, or ignored. To Milnerton High School in Cape Town: it is your duty to protect your students.”
The family of the boy who was assaulted by a group of learners at Milnerton High School, in Cape Town, says all those involved in the matter should be severely punished. Speaking anonymously, a family member says the boys who assaulted her brother should be sent to jail.
WATCH: Bullying incident at Milnerton High School
Not an Isolated Incident
This is not an isoloated incident and their are also allegations of teachers and coaches turning a blind eye to member of the rugby team bullying fellow learners.
The school’s governing body has meanwhile suspended eight learners linked to the bullying incident that has caused national outrage.
In a more recent video on Facebook, Zintle Buhlebendalo Pasiya says: “Other students are coming out. The same rugby boys at Milnerton High School have been bullying a lot of students all these years inside the school premises. If you look properly on the video by the sliding door there’s an adult watching but not assisting the victim.
WATCH: More incidents of Bullying at Milnerton High School
Deal With Bullying Firmly but Wisely
While many adults are turning to social media to vent their outrage against the perpetrators, questions arise whether that outrage needs to be better channelled.
Bruinou.com Content Contributor Grant Pascoe commenting on the fallout after the incident says that bullying needs to be dealt with “firmly but also wisely”.
“People are angry and many have joined the chorus of outrage, but what is happening now is turning into something dangerous. The crowds outside the school and the noise on social media are not helping the situation.”
“The amount of cyber shaming by adults on social media is worrying. It says a lot about the kind of society we have become. Many of the same people calling for justice are now doing harm through their words and online attacks. This is not justice. It is anger without purpose.”
“We must deal with bullying firmly but also wisely. The goal should be to correct and rebuild, not to destroy. Schools must work to change their culture so that respect, care and accountability become part of daily life. We need leadership that calms, not chaos that burns.”
READ Grant Pascoe’s Full Facebook Post
The situation on social media wasn’t helped when a Milnerton High Bully posted a ‘cocky apology’. The ‘half-hearted’ apology turned out to fan the social media flames even stronger, and it was called a case of ‘sorry-not-sorry’.
Do Adults Need to Be Held Accountable?
Whether or not we agree with Pascoe that the outrage directed at the perpetrators needs to be better channelled and that “the amount of cyber shaming by adults on social media is worrying”, we clearly have a societal problem.
Bullying is not a problem that can simply be resolved by solely focusing on the bullies. We need to look at what roles adults play. When bullying occurs, there is almost always a chain of mistakes and oversights made by adults that could have nipped it in the bud, and corrected the behaviour of the perpetrators.
Wittingly or unwittingly, those adults can include parents, caregivers, teachers and coaches.
A heartfelt video on Facebook by Keenan and Toufiq addressed at adults says… Jou stilte praat… en dit praat vir die bullies. #JusticeForKatlego Your silence speaks… and it speaks for bullies.
How Much are Parents of Bullies Culpable?
We often see guides in the form of videos and literature that teach parents of children who are being bullied to deal with bullying, but we seldom see guidelines for parent to prevent their children from becoming bullies or how to stop their errant behaviour.
Recently, a parent commenting on a post about “bullying being a parenting problem” said that children often act like angels at home, and parents do not know what their children get up to when they are out of their parents’ sight. Another parent shot back and said that parents have a responsibility to make sure they know how their children behave outside the home.
The consensus in the end was that parents need to make a point of finding out from others how their children behave towards other children and other adults when they as parents are not around.
Of course, there are some young bullies whose behaviours are modelled on that of their parents, who are also bullies, BUT…
What is undeniable is that not all parents of bullies are bad people or parents leading by (bad) example, by being bullies themselves. Sometimes the parents of bullies are really nice, and wouldn’t hurt a fly, but sadly, though they themselves might be living right, sadly, they are not parenting right.
Parents of Bullies Can Find Help on Parenting Right
Not all parents are making the same mistakes that lead to their kids being bullies, but there are ways parents can find out that their children are bullies, and that there are ways to stop their bullying behaviour.
There are webpages that help parents of bullies, like this Australian guide: Helping your child stop bullying: A guide for parents.
There are also forums where parents of bullies seek help and advice from each other, like this Reddit discussion: Parents of Bullies, what did you do to stop your child from being a bully?
Should there perhaps be some form of compulsory workshops and counselling for parents whose kids are found guilty of bullying?
Are Teachers Culpable?
Of course, most teachers care and will not allow bullying. This is not a petty blame game, but…
The question isn’t about whether or not teachers are being efficiently equipped through training to deal with incidents of bullying. Even if they had no training in conflict resolution…We hear and read all too often that teachers turned a blind eye. What could be the reason why?
Aside from the many cases where teachers themselves are being bullied by learners, and might be fearing retaliation if they stand up for a learner who is being bullied, there are just too many cases where teachers are simply sweeping incidents under the rug. Could it be favouritism towards the guilty learners? T
eachers are overworked and are stressed out by overfull classes. That is a huge problem in itself.
Is it that they do not want to be the one who opens up an administrative hornet’s nest that will further impede their already many administrative burdens?
Legal Responsibility of Schools
Whatever the case may be, in South Africa teachers and school administrators are legally bound to act upon and escalate incidents of bullying at their schools. Family Laws South Africa addresses the responsibility of teachers in their article: Addressing Child Bullying at School in South Africa: Legal Ramifications and Restorative Justice.
“If school administrators, teachers, or staff were aware of the bullying incidents but did not take appropriate steps to address them, the school can be held liable. This includes cases where the bullying was reported by the victim, other students, or parents.”
Are Coaches Encouraging or Covering Up Bullying?
Of course there are many coaches who care and will not allow bullying. This is not a petty blame game, but…
In the incident at Milnerton High School there are allegations that sports coaches are either covering up incidences of bullying or worse; that they may have encouraging it.
Whether these allegations are true or not, there is a problem when training for certain sports codes have a focus on aggression but do not have any focus on self-discipline.
I have seen first-hand that in different forms of martial arts training that there is often a component of the training that is aimed at reducing aggression and teaches participants not to bully others.
It seems to not be the case for all sports.
Of course, contact sports often require a level of aggression on the field, or in the ring, but if there is no aim to also teach self-discipline, respect and empathy, then that ‘unbalanced aggression’ will find an outlet off the field or outside the ring as well.
Importantly, school sports coaches (whether they are drawn from the teaching complement or hired as extra staff) have the same legal obligations as teachers and administrative staff with regard to bullying at schools…
Should coaching contact sports like rugby require a compulsory component that requires coaches to also focus on reducing aggression off the field and teaches participants not to bully others?
To Fix the Kids, We Need to Fix the Adults
This is not a petty blame game, and the adults in these scenarios may not wittingly or intentionally be “bad parents, teachers and coaches”, but we as adults need to take responsibility for the children in our care.
We as adults need to not only equip victims of bullying to deal with bullies, but we also need to keep potentially loving, caring and pleasant kids from becoming bullies.
We need to deal with bullying firmly and decisively, while also implementing corrective measures to eradicate bullying and effect behavioural adjustments in kids who are bullies.
We need to improve the way we interact with each other when dealing with incidents of bullying, and remember that those kids are watching and learning from us and from the way we deal with their problems.
We can’t fix the kids if we, as adults, don’t fix ourselves.
