Kids are Not as Special as We Make Them Out to Be

Let me get this out of the way — I have three absolutely magnificent, thriving children, Thariq, Fareed and Aneesa. Love them to bits. Adore them, even. But let’s be real — I never, not once, worshipped them. I never stood there, misty-eyed, holding up their macaroni art like it was the lost masterpiece of Da Vinci. And if they were terrible at something, I let them know. Because, folks, the truth shall set you free.

Case in point—my son once brought a girl home, all proud, and introduced her as his girlfriend. I took one long, hard look at this… unique individual and turned to him with genuine concern. “Is she, uh… okay? She looks a little… off. Is she Ditsy perhaps — should I be concerned?” Now, before you gasp and clutch your pearls, understand this — I was just being honest! Brutal honesty builds character. And if my kid was about to enter a legally binding relationship with someone who looked like they might belong to Ditsy United. I had to step in. That’s what real parenting is about.

Sanitised Upbringing

But let’s talk about the real problem here — parents. Specifically, the delusional ones. Today’s modern parents — these hand-sanitizer-addicted, gluten-free-almond-butter-making life managers — have completely lost the plot. They’ve turned childhood into an endless parade of structure, turning the simplest of joys into scheduled obligations.

Even playing — yes, the most basic, primal function of childhood — has been hijacked and stuffed into a Google Calendar event called “playdate.” When I was a kid, playdates didn’t exist. You went outside, found a stick, and entertained yourself for hours. You didn’t need an app, a permission slip, or an adult hovering over you like a secret service agent monitoring a high-profile diplomat.

Newsflash: You are burning your kids out on structure! Every child needs at least three solid hours of absolutely nothing per day. Just sitting. Staring at clouds. Imagining things. And you know what? You could use some of that too. Try it. Sit down, look out the window, and just exist. Revolutionary, right? If you really want to help your kids—leave them the hell alone!

The Hazards of School

And then, off they go to school, where little Thariq won’t be allowed to play tag because it “encourages victimization.” Can’t play rugby because it “promotes aggression.” What’s left? Standing around? Yeah, for now. But give it time — soon some poor kid is going to stand around too long, his foot will fall asleep, his parents will sue, and boom — there goes standing. We’re breeding a generation of kids who only experience movement in the form of being chauffeured from one “enrichment activity” to another.

And don’t even get me started on competition. That’s extinct now. Losing? Oh no, can’t have that! Everybody wins! Which is great, until they hit their twenties and their boss calls them in for a “chat.”
“Fareed, buddy… hate to break it to you, but you’re terrible at your job. Pack up your desk and get out.”
Poor Fareed, staring in disbelief. “But… but… I always got a participation trophy?”
Yeah, well, welcome to reality, champ, You’re a loser!

WATCH: George Carlin – Every Child is Special

False Sense of Self-Esteem

Let’s talk about this ridiculous Self-Esteem Movement. Launched in the 1970s, promising to build a generation of confident, successful individuals. And yet, here we are, decades later, drowning in adult toddlers who think criticism is violence. Studies have shown that high self-esteem does NOT improve grades, career success, or limit alcohol use. And violent criminals? Oh, they love themselves. Some of them think they’re gods.

Here’s a question: When was the last time you saw a kid sitting in the yard with a stick or playing kennetjie? Just a plain old stick? Not a “STEM-approved, BPA-free, Montessori-certified, ethically-sourced sensory tool,” but a real, honest-to-God stick. Do kids even know what sticks are anymore? Or were they all recalled for being “a choking hazard” or “too pointy” or — God help us — “potentially offensive in shape”?

No, Your Kids are Not Special

Let’s be real: Not every child is special. I’ve seen some of these kids. They’re… weird. Tiny little disproportionate creatures. So, parents, do your kids a favour: Take them off the pedestal, let them fail, let them get bored, and for the love of sanity, let them play in the dirt with a stick. They’ll survive. Probably.

Some parents carry photos of their kids on them just to brag: “Hey, you want to see some pictures of my kid?” No, just describe them to me. But no, they shove the phone in your face, and now you’re trapped, looking at 67 identical pictures of a kid who, let’s be honest, looks like every other kid. And there are two ways to handle this. The first is the easy way — you just go along with it. “Oh, uh-huh, boy. Hmm. Girl. Yeah. Older boy. Older girl. Good. Four. Listen, I have to go wash my crotch. I’ll see you later.” Then you get the hell out of there.

Or you do what I do — be honest. Take a chance. Tell the truth. “Look at the huge head on that kid.” “Geez, where did he get a head like that? That thing is massive. Have you put him on YouTube yet? You’d get millions of hits with a head like that. Or put him on eBay. Some European circus might snap him up in a second. Goddamn, that thing is unusual. Listen, maybe he’ll grow into it. You never know with kids, huh?
Hey, let me ask you a practical question — where do you find hats for a kid like that?”
Tell the truth. Don’t be one of the bullshitters. The world has enough of them already.